Busy Busy Bee!

Hey-ya guys!
So, sorry my last post was way short but i've got so much going on. My boss for my internship increased my hours because i'm only working there till next thursday and she wants me to be there as much as possible before i leave. then on top of that, i'm going back to school in 2 weeks and when i'm not working, i'm going to dentist appointments(went to a cleaning today and they say i have a cavity and need to go back to get it filled next week),therapy sessions (twice a week), and laser hair removal (recruitment's coming up lol). i need to go shopping to buy clothes and accessories for recruitment and i need my teeth, hair, nails, and eyebrows done and on point. don't get me wrong this stuff is fun but can be time consuming. also, i'll need to start packing up my room and my life again because i'll be moving into my new apartment soon! everything's happening so quickly and there's lots of changes i'm trying to mentally prepare for, like leaving home again after being here and being used to having my family around 24/7 for the past three months. it's kinda scary, kinda exciting. and there's lot's to do.

In terms of "summer of love" stuff, well i didn't succeed. but i don't feel like i failed either. overall, i had a great summer. i was an intern at a really cool company, i spent time reconnecting with my family and building stronger relationships with them, now as an adult, and i learned a lot about myself through therapy and how to deal with anxiety and the new pressure's of life. i honestly feel more confident and know that i can handle it, whatever it is. i know that it sounds lame but i feel like i could talk to guys now, i'm not sure how it would be in practice, but in theory i feel like it's true. who knows? hopefully i'll be able to test that theory soon. probs when i get back to school. well i gotta get to bed, this whole working thing makes me tired. lol
xoxo Holly Golightly

P.S. guys i have our lists of our perfect 10's and i think it would be cute to go over them again so you can see if you ended up with what you wanted, now that you're all in relationships of some sort. so skype soon please!

I am so tireddddd

So Paul thought it would be a good idea to visit my family in SoFlo under the pretense that he might get a new job there. Yayyyyyyyyyahhhhhhhhh omgomgomg ahhhh whatamigonnadoooo?!

Also, I requested him to be my boyfriend on Facebook today. For some reason I am 99% sure he will not accept. Feel free to Facebook stalk the situation!

Unstoppable by Kat Deluna feat. Lil Wayne

Status Update

remains the same. see ya next wednesday.
-Holly

Too... Much... Caffeine...

Ok so I know I fail at life right now. I kept reminding myself yesterday that Monday means I have to blog, but... yea obviously it didn't happen. I'm going to say that it was because I saw Maverick last night AND that he slept over, so I just didn't have a chance to. But to be honest, I was basically free all day yesterday and still didn't get around to it.

Anyways, this past week kinda sucked because I ended up getting really sick last Wednesday and it has been just lingering around. What really made me mad was that on Friday, Mav and I had plans to go bowling, out to dinner, and had reservations at a comedy club downtown and because of my stupid sickness, I had to cancel. Granted I was starting to feel better, but with the hacking up discolored stuff (TMI?) I wasn't about to get THAT comfortable with him and assume he's be okay with my voice sounding like a man. But as a compromise, he wanted to meet up for some coffee instead of the long drawn out date plans. So I agreed and we met up at 8 and ended up talking there until chairs were being stacked to close up at 11! We finally decided we would leave and he walked me to my car. Then something very sweet happened. He went in for a kiss and I pulled away and said I don't wanna chance getting him sick. And he looks at me with his blue eyes and says "I'll take my chances..." (btw, I'm smiling ridiculously right now!)

Then fastforward to last night, Mav and I had plans to go see the new movie Inception which was an absolute MUST SEE of this summer!! Girls, go out and see it!! And after, I invited him in... I will spare you details but it was seriously the best night sleep ever! And I'm sure Zoe can attest, its not always that easy getting a good night's sleep when your with someone else... NO, NOT because your busy doing other things! Get your mind out of the gutter! I'm talking about just laying next to someone else, its can often be a restless night of tossing and turning. But not last night! It was wonderful! And then staying in bed until 11 when we finally got up and, you guessed it, went out for coffee :-)

Over all, I think last night made up for my crappy week.

This week on the Real Girlfriends of Podunk...

Sandy doesn’t address the “I love you” comment but blames it on Paul’s sleep-talking.

Paul’s evil ex-girlfriend, Bubbles, tortures Sandy!

Okay.. so no one is torturing me. But ladies, how do you deal with jealousy??

Bubbles writes on Paul’s Facebook very often. They laugh, they have inside jokes, she wears a bikini in her profile picture yet... he is with me, not her, I understand that. In fact, he left her for me. He told her not to move to Florida and broke up with her. So I win. But why do I still feel like I’m losing? These irrational fears are getting in the way of every day life. I’ve had nightmares that wake me up, I’m constantly checking Bubbles’ page, I’m questioning Paul’s loyalty, and I’m even upset that we aren’t FBO. I already know that I’m the jealous type, but I really can’t let this consume me!

How do you deal with jealousy? Whether it’s about an ex’s past, not getting enough attention from friends or family, or maybe just jealous of another person?
So far I’ve tried to ignore it, accept it, and surround myself with positive people when I’m in a bad mood because of it. Talks with Holly and my mom (surprise, surprise) have really helped me get a grip, but I still feel unfulfilled. I’d like to confront Paul, but I don’t want to cause controversy...


Beware of the Dog by Jamelia

Ga-Ga-Ooh-Lala

Hey Summer of Love Blog,

So...its mid july.still single. uh yep. this is awkward. okay.

The end.

-Holly Golightly

Zoe: Have fun, no worries. and um...be safe!
Jess: i am all smiles when i read ur posts. ur adorable. p.s. the title is for u :p
Sandy: i loved our 45 min convo a few days ago! i have an idea that we should switch lives for a day. In which you talk to boys for me and get me a date and i work out all of ur and paul's talks that are uncomfortable and i'll get them out of the way for u. brilliant? i think so!

Ain't no thang but a G thang.

Sorry Holly about this late post.

Not much has changed since the last time I posted. Things are still confusing, I am still confusing and confused and I just don’t know what to think of anything. I’m not sure if I should continue with what we have, what we’ve got is fun. Tons of fun. I just don’t want to get comfortable and have expectations. He is very affectionate and I catch myself thinking about him in my free time and I don’t know if thats a bad thing? I just wouldn’t think it would be a good thing to do because maybe he’s not thinking about me, now I’m starting to try and think about what he’s thinking about. The other night in bed I told him he was fun, he told me I was as well. We both asked each other why we thought we were fun, I replied saying “Just cause you’re laid back, chill, you don’t take things so seriously...” he replied “I think you’re fun because you’re not uptight like most girls, you’re different than any other girl I’ve met....and you laugh at all my bad jokes”. Um. I don’t know. Yeah. I would love to continue this, but I know I’m probably going to get hurt. I guess. Fuck it. I’ll have my fun. Who cares.

He and I went to get some froyo the other night and we shared one and he held my hand on the way back home in the car.

GAH!

The Sweetness

I'm sorry that I left you all hanging yesterday. I know your probably all holding your breath wondering what is happening in my life lol ok probably not... but regardless, things have been going quite well on my end, with the exception of some roommate issues that still need to be worked out...

Things with Maverick and I have been going very well! We have been spending a lot of time together lately going out for dinner (or me cooking for him), going to the movies, and.... sleeping :-) He ended up sleeping over Sunday night and no, THAT did not happen. But he would randomly grab me to snuggle throughout the night and even woke me up with kisses. And apart from him telling me that I sound like a leave blower when I'm sleeping, it when great! But he did warn me that he sometimes will talk in his sleep, so I'm thinking some pay back may be necessary when I witness his sleep talking. Maybe coerce some interesting information without his knowledge :-)

There is one thing that I am kinda wondering about though... I don't exactly know where we stand. Like I know that I'm into him and I'm pretty positive he feels the same, but its just that female need to put a label on everything.... But also, there are certain conversations that I know are pretty important to any blooming relationship that need to be had. I just don't know how to start them. I just feel awkward... and also, like the questions about past relationships n stuff... I don't wanna come off as bitching about my most recent ex because it will come off as me not being over him. but even worse, I dont want to get emotional about it, which I still have been doing when i go to my weekly appt... i dont know what to do... gah!

but anyways, for the record, Maverick is pretty much the best cuddler I've ever cuddled with! And he says that I fit perfect when I lay on his shoulder. And he says that I'm gorgeous and beautiful at least every time I see him! He catches me off guard with all this sweetness! I'm just not used to it at all. But boy am I enjoying it!!!

Until next time ladies, love you all
Jess

Hallelujah

In Jesus’s name, HALLELUJAH! I have a boyfriend!
Let’s recap..

Friday: Paul meets my parents. Everything goes well.
Saturday: I meet Paul’s family. Success.
Sunday: Paul surprises me with a trip to a theme park. Beautiful fireworks, yet somehow he didn’t get up the courage to ask that night when he wanted to.
Monday: I see Holly :) Go to sleep around 2pm. Awoken by Paul knocking at the door 4pm. There with a dozen purple roses he says, “I wanted to do this different... I wanted to do this better... but I was wondering...”

Mission accomplished. Target acquired. Jackpot! Everything I’ve been waiting for.
If these few days haven’t been shock enough (Paul actually asserting he wants a serious relationship) a new development really threw me off last night...

First I feel it necessary to give you some background information.
Paul wakes up numerous times in the middle of the night to talk/mumble/poke me/tickle me/be funny/ and other random things that one should not wake another up from. i.e. wet willies
When Paul talks it either makes no sense or he rambles randomly or he talks about honest concerns he would never bring up while awake.

Woken up in the middle of the night, like usual, Paul is talking, and I’m trying to ignore him. I look at him, trying to get him to think I’m listening and Paul says, “I love you baby.”

Sandy: *sitting straight up grabbing Paul’s face* “What?”
Paul: no response
Sandy: *staring into his eyes* “What?”
Paul: no response
Sandy: “Are you okay?”
Paul: mhm
Sandy: “Are you sure?”
Paul: no response
Sandy: “Can I get you anything?”
Paul: no response
Sandy: *getting up to go to the bathroom*
Paul: “Where are you going?”
Sandy: “Water. I’m thirsty.” *sits in bathroom contemplating what happened* *returns to room*
Paul: “What’s wrong?”
Sandy: “Nothing”
Paul: “Where’d you go?”
Sandy: “I got some water. My throat was dry.”
Paul: “Come here.”
Sandy: *stays on her side of the bed*
Paul: “What’s wrong?”
Sandy: no response
Paul: “Come here.”

Sound like a soap opera yet? Was Paul sleep talking? Dreaming? No one knows... Especially not me. Tune in next week to The Twilight Zone.

Home by Michael Buble

Remember that one time...

when i went to our college town for the weekend and got really drunk and sick on the 4th of July. No? Oh well Unfortunately i do. well most of it anyways :/ . However, besides all that ridiculousness I did have a great time on my mini vacation. I got to see a lot of my friends excluding Zoe and Jess :( . i got some time away, saw an amazing fire works show and most importantly used a 3 and 1/2 hours drive each way on my own to really think and reflect on my life. i realized a lot of stuff that my brain has been trying to hide from me. sneaky sneaky. and it gave me some great insight. 1. i really hate being out of control. 2. my body is my temple and i need to get back in shape AND stop putting junk into it. cuz this weekend equaled junk food and alcohol festival. Also, dancing was and is a majorly important part of my life and i know i won't be happy unless i do it more often. 3. i have issues with my family that need to be discussed.


So, basically I got home and my dad, mom, sister, and i had a HUGE family discussion. which pretty much equals us crying histerically, minus my dad of course, at the dinner table. we got a lot out. all of us. and we got a lot off of our chests. In the end it turned out to be great and really freeing. We're working on our issues and things have started to change. For instance, today I spent the day with my mom, she had the day off work. we played "scene it" because we are both movie lovers and then we went to publix and she helped me pick some healthy foods for the week. Tonight my dad is taking us all out to see toy story 3, even my illusive sister is coming. I'm actually excited about it. I think this summer can only get better. I talked to Zoe and she suggested that I do more things with my time. So this week I'm going to look for more things to add to my spinster catalog. lol any suggestions are welcome and appreciated!


This "summer of love" is actually turning out to live up to its name. Just not in the way that i expected, maybe not the way any of us had expected. but there's no doubt that love is here. <3

-Holly Golightly

Relationships are messy and people's feelings get hurt.

Man oh man, ummm sorry bout last week guys, I've been a little....everywhere? So, let's just say ladies.....I am honestly having a summer of PASSION...and I am also sorry if that grossed any of you guys out (cause I know it most likely did). I am having a ton of fun, no worries, no stress, no expectations, but.....a little confused I suppose. As we all know, Collin and I are friends with a few benefits. We've still been spending a lot time together, well not really in the day, mainly when it gets toward the end of our days and we're done doing what we do in the day. We spend the night at eachothers places regularly and really just goof off. We talk a lot and make fun of eachother, watch stupid movies and whatnot. I guess when I say I'm a little lost is because of this : I've had a friend with benefits before and I guess each one will be different, but I just find this a bit strange. The last FWB I had last summer was strictly just kind've like this *ring ring* "Hello" "Oh, hey" "Wanna come over to my place and watch a movie late at night?" "Of course, be there in ten"......*Yawn* and out the door he goes or I go. No hangin' out, no conversation really, strictly business (please don't judge guys :/ )

Well anyway, here's the deal with Collin. He'll call me sometimes to invite me over for dinner, he invites me places (like the other week he invited me out with his buddies to go to the springs and go canoeing, where he flirted with me the entire day and afterwards we took a nap together), he also invited me to this wedding with him in a couple weeks, he texts me often (he was at a wedding this past weekend in Jax, he kept inviting me to go and while he was at the reception he was texting me the entire night telling me I should come up to the wedding, joking but still asking, we texted til like 2 am just saying silly things), when I went back home for the weekend he texted me "Hey bugaboo you left already?" (like what is that?) we cuddle a lot which is nice, sometimes he'll just come up to me and kiss me, he'll come over my apartment just to hang out (no funny business), he's come over and brought me a whole fruit and cut it up for me while I just laid around and relaxed, he texted me last night to see if I was in town while he was at work and we hung out and something was different...we hadn't seen eachother in a few days because we've been out of town and I was sitting at his computer and he just comes up and hugs me, he just recently he told me I was beautiful and I told him that was very sweet and everything and he replied that he needs to say it more often...I like where we are at right now and I'm totally fine with being FWB, it's not a big deal, but....I guess this just is different then what I was used to. I just don't know what's going on and I kinda don't want to know just cause again I like where we're at and I don't want to jinx things I suppose. It's like we have nothing and something at the same time. I do my own thing still and same goes for him.

Sometimes I wonder what is truly going on in his mind and what his honest intentions are...then I just think about ice cream and that thought goes away.

Happy Algerian Independence Day!

So I know this is another very late post, but it is the FIRST post from my NEW BEDROOM! This weekend, I FINALLY moved out of the shithole apartment I was living in with Sandy and others into a house! My room looks absolutely amazing, but it did not come without its stress! My mom came up for the weekend to help and although I really shouldn't complain because she bought me so much stuff for my room, she really was driving me nuts toward the end... But, she eventually headed back for SoFla and I started to get ready to see Maverick!! :-)

After all the stress about moving, it was awesome to just hang out and do something fun! So first we hit up Barnies (lets face it, he's pretty much a coffee addict!) and then we had some delicious food at Chili's. I'm glad that I can honestly say that we have so much fun together, even if were being complete dorks for the majority of it! haha But we can laugh at ourselves and at eachother and just have a wonderful time! And after dinner, we came back to my NEW PLACE and watched a movie. It was one that we have both seen before but we enjoyed making fun of it and jumping at all the scary parts that we knew by heart (ok, so I was the only one who jumped... )

But overall, it was a great night... obviously since its 3 AM... whatever, stop judging me

What the ef?

So if Paul wants to take it slow, why am I invited to his family reunion?? Boy knows how to send mixed messages.. ***roll of the eyes, shake of the head*** I could list all of the ridiculousness Paul has been spewing but it is not worth the time. I have decided to hang out with Paul and have fun for God’s sake, but if another available male comes hither I would not deny him! I have stated my deadline from the beginning of the blog: Paul needs to make a move by August. Tick Tock.

A man cannot be the end all, be all! As Holly stated, I will be taking time to be happy with myself :D

Zoe and Jess: Thanks for taking my class, I will have another one in two weeks! I know you are excited!

I Like It by Enrique Iglesias feat. Pitbull
Can’t Be Tamed by Miley Cyrus
Bulletproof by La Roux

zip-a-dee-doo-da

heyy ppl. so things are better now. i feel more equipped to deal with life! isn't that exciting??? i think so. i'm thinking it's amazing how my mood has changed fairly quickly so either the worst is over and the storm is finally gone for real and things are looking up or i'm bipolar.lol. I have a good feelin it's the former.


i am choosing to be happy from now on. that's all there is too it. if i can make it through the hard times, and i have, (and i'm not gonna lie, it was very difficult to do and at the time, i didn't how i could) then you can appreciate the good times. And that's what i am placing all my thoughts on, the good times. mainly, myself and my happiness as a priority. when things were bad, worry only got me so far. i found that joy can come out of the most unlikely places and i am not gonna sit around worrying when theres much more to enjoy. yeah, being home for the summer is an difficult adjustment. my parents annoy the crap out of me sometimes. my sister is included as well. most of my friends are far away. i haven't managed to get a job yet. BUT my family loves me and my 2 best friends that i've known almost my life are here, i'm healthy, i have what i need and life... life is good.


no, i haven't found a boyfriend, a summer fling, or even a guy with the slightest potential to be either. but i feel more confident in myself and feel happy with my life and that's all i can ask for right now. some things that recently occured shook up my world but i can say i made it through and i feel stronger now. call me a fortune cookie but everything happens for a reason . for now, i am going to focus soley on myself and my happiness (because i can) and enjoy the calm, if not a little boring, summer. the best part of it is, the summer isn't over yet. who knows what will come next? I'm pretty sure it's gonna be amazing. i may have high expectations but i rather think postively and be wrong, then think negatively and be right.

JESS: i am more than elated for u and mav. my gosh girl you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that u are happy right now! and u were the one opposed to summer of passion. ha.
Zoe: M.I.A.??? it's ok lol but i do wanna hear about ur life soon
Sandy: have fun this weekend, and of course, i say this legit all the time but "never settle for ANYTHING less than you deserve"

i miss u all immensely.

-Holly Golightly

All I can say is WOW...

So I know it's technically Tuesday, but since I haven't gone to bed yet, I am going to say that it's still Monday and I am not late with my post :-)

Well, as some of you may know, I had another date tonight with Maverick, which is why it is almost 3am and I am just now getting to blog! Tonight Mav and I went to Bahama Breeze for dinner which was absolutely amazing! The food was great and the drinks were strong! Although I was not able to fully enjoy the variety of drinks because I drove. Mav has been having some trouble with his car, so I offered to help out. Then, after dinner, we went to a true tourist attraction to get a coffee (Maverick's order) and a root beer float (mine). Then we walked around people watching (AND HOLDING HANDS!! ) which was hilarious! And eventually we found a nice bench by the water and started getting a little cozy. He had his arm around me and would kiss me out of nowhere! It actually pretty romantic. After I while though, I was getting bothered by bugs, so I suggested to leave. Once we got in the car, I swear we both turned into high school kids and sat there for at least an hour not saying one word, if you get my drift. Eventually, we decided to head out and settled for kissing at every red light! I seriously do not know how I focused enough to get us home! But we eventually did get to my place and (please don't yell at me) but I invited him in!! GAH! I did find enough strength to not show him my room, but we dominated the couch for a good.... TWO solid hours! (I kinda like how I just used "dominated" to describe what happened. There really is no better word) And poor Chrissy (one of my roommates). She kinda walked in at one point and she had no idea we were there, let alone what was occurring! haha Anyways, he just left and I really do not know how I am going to sleep now (or how I am going to wake up tomorrow for class...)

Wish me luck! xoxox

Meet Me Halfway

Paul and I are in the middle of a crisis, that’s why I’m still very blah. See I’m ready for a long lasting commitment, a future, and a boyfriend. That’s right, I must retract a former statement: Paul is NOT my boyfriend. We are getting to know each other. You might ask: Haven’t you guys been doing this already? and I would reply with: Why, yes we have! But Paul wants to take his time. The next girl he takes home to mom is gonna be the last one according to him. Until I get fed up, we’re taking it slow.

Brand New by Trey Songs
I’m Gonna Find Another You by John Mayer

Breathe In, Breathe Out.

My mantra as of late. I desperately wanna write cool/funny/happy stuff in the blog today but i would only be fooling myself. Suffice it to say that i have some very uncool stuff happening and i don't know how to fix it. I have hope that everything will turn out okay in the end but I can't see it now and it's turning my stomach in knots. I know i am being vague but it's all I can do. However, I think most people can relate to feeling helpless at one point or another and not knowing how things will turn out in the end. In my own weird way, I am a control freak, so not knowing what will happen scares me like nothing else. I thought not having the "summer of love" that i wanted would be bad enough but I guess it's true that when people say when it rains it pours. but I wish it would rain pennies from heaven, or better yet be raining men. lol.
-Holly Golightly

Zoe: i didn't know that u were still willing to have fun and passion with that guy but i wonder what will happen...i guess all i can say is have fun and be careful
Jess: thank u for being so awesome. i shall live vicariously thru u
Sandy: never settle for anything less than u deserve!

S. O. L. O.

Hello all! It’s me Zoe and have almost fully recovered from the past few weeks. Error......I think I am at the point where I can explain? Well, here goes.

Okay, I came to a decision a while back that I am indecisive. The end. Haha just kidding, no but seriously I ended things with the boy...again? Yep. So here’s what happened, I broke up with him once, we talked things out, he wanted things to happen again and that things would be different, I was still unsure but I thought yknow we could have some fun maybe my feelings will replenish themselves.....um yeah didn’t happen. Granted he was very sweet, very thoughtful, showered me with presents, it just wasn’t there anymore and as much as I knew he wanted things to work again I just couldn’t waste his time. So. I hadn’t talked to him in a couple weeks, remember that one date we went on and it was great and fun, well that was the last I saw of him and even talked to him ( I kinda sorta tried to avoid him maybe?) I wanted to end things via text or AIM BUT some people thought that wouldn’t be polite. Blah. So, I wasn’t going to go over to his place (waste of gas HELLO) and he needed to get his DVDs back and whatnot, so he came over my place. What makes this worse is the day I wanted to end things he drove an HOUR AND A HALF to come to my apt.....eek. Thaaaat sucked. He came over and showered me with kisses (on the cheek caussee to be honest I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t) He made me two mix CDs and bought me a candied apple (cause Ive never had one before) We sat on the bed. I was awkward. He wanted to cuddle and I...didn’t. So I said dun dun dunnn “We need to talk” the boy says “oh I knew this was coming”. Sum things up I told him i didnt want to be with him anymore, he thought he was the best most “awesome” (and yes ladies he did say awesome) boyfriend ever, but whatever it’s done. He gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek and he was on his way (he then made it FBO and deleted me as a friend on FB).

In the midst of all this boy drama, I kinda was hanging out with a couple other boys.

One we shall call Fox. He is foyyynne. and. has a kid. Meh. Well anyway Fox and I met thru friends and we share a few of the same friends. We hung out a couple times, it was very relaxed, very natural but nothing too special I suppose. Although this boy is fine, he kinda moved really quick, like after a couple hang outs he wanted to kiss me? So, I told him I just wanted to be friends. Too fast there buddy. So the end.

In the midst of all that boy drama, I spent some time with another boy (ladies I know I sound kiiiinda slutty? but...insert statement that makes me not look/sound like a slut here...) So anyway this boy we shall call Collin, has been very sweet, very thoughtful, all this good stuff, we’ve known each other for a while and have hung out quite often. We flirt and have a lot of fun together, things never get too serious or awkward and it’s just nice. We’ve been hanging out regularly and we both know we don’t want anything serious ( duh, i just got out of a relationship ) but we enjoy each others company. So far, it’s been great, we go to the beach, watch movies, play video games, he cooks me food, I get wonderful massages, it’s good :) Let’s just say I think I have my summer fling. Knock knock summer of passion, Zoe’s here.

Bittersweet Symphony

Hello all, just so you all know, today is going to be short and sweet on account of a ridiculously huge and important test Zoe and I have at 8am tomorrow morning. Summer school blows, for the record. So, yes, tomorrow at this time, the test will be over and I may or may not be crying. But, before my eyes get red and puffy, I must keep in mind that I have a date! Yea I said it, a date! Like SECOND date! I have no idea what is in store, but earlier this week, Maverick asked if we could celebrate the end of the studying/testing tuesday night! Of course I said yes! So in the midst of all this God-forsaken physics, anatomy, and other radiology crap constantly running through my head, I have to worry about what I'm going to wear and try to remember to shave my legs (I know its summer and I should be keeping on top of this, but my program is hard and my hair grows too fast so don't judge me).

Pros of Tuesday
- Date
- Shave
- Work Out
- No More Studying

Cons of Tuesday
- Test
- Test!
- Test!!!
- TEST!!!

Bleh.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Kind of having a blah week. Trying to write more than blah blah blah blah blah. But I’m getting the idea that I’m not the only one feeling this way. All in all, I’m healthy, blessed, and have a promising future. I always need to remember that. We should all remember that, you beautiful, beautiful girls. So what do you do when you need to relax? Whether it be for a couple seconds, a couple minutes, a whole day..

Kind of bipolar this week:
Hell Bent by Kenna
Riding Solo by Jason Derulo

Rebel Without a Cause

Soo no updates here. Except my newfound love for the late James Dean. lol. [Thanks TMC] Summer is flying by and no boys to speak of. However, I'm feeling better about things. Not that things are really getting better per se. but I'm feeling better about them nontheless. In essence I guess it's half the battle. To be honest that's all I got for ya this week.
-Holly Golightly
Zoe: I understand your error. lol and I less than three you.
Jess: I didn't know you were a nerd. It's awesome.
Sandy: I love the music thing ur doing.

!!!

error.

Cheers To Stan!

So although all you beautiful ladies have already heard (and are probably already tired of hearing), I had a date with Maverick Saturday night!! But lets backtrack a little, Saturday Zoe and I had a picnic with our Radiology class. We met up at a lake park where one of our professors lives because she so graciously agreed to show us around her town (purely to continuously talk about how wonderful her life it). But regardless, it was a beautiful sunny day on the boat touring the waterways, tubing, and swimming in the big, alligator-infested, murky-watered, hot-and-simultaneously-cold lake! Overall, it was a great time (I was even in my bathing suit! I know, you never saw that coming!).... up until I asked what time it was... DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN

Now, so you all fully understand what was happening, Maverick asked me out and said he would pick me up at 9pm. No biggie right? Except Zoe and I were over an hour away, on a boat in the middle of a giant lake, and it was 6:30! I was going nuts and Zoe can surely attest to that! After doing the math I determined that, if we were lucky, I’d get home at 8, leaving exactly ONE HOUR to shower, blow-dry my hair, do make-up, and get dressed! One we were in the car, I feel like the worst part was, there was no way I could do anything to get it out of the way before I got home. So i anxiously waited. And waited. And waited, until we finally pulled up to my apartment where I proceeded to take the stairs two at a time to the third floor, run through the door, and fully strip down before even making it to my shower! My roommates should all feel blessed that they were in their rooms with the doors shut so they did not have to see this race against time!

Anyways, details unknown to me, I was able to shower and wash my hair in record time, get dressed, put make-up on (not too surprising since I never wear much), and I even remembered to put deodorant on before Zoe returned from dropping off a fellow radiology student. By that time, I was half-way done blowdrying my hair and Zoe thankfully took over that task as I continued to freak myself out and get so nervous that my feet turned red! Recalling the date prep now is still managing to stress me out! But anyways, Zoe finished and quickly left so Mav wouldn’t see her on her way out. And just as I was brushing my teeth, before spitting, phone rings! It’s Maverick and he’s here! Oh. My. God. I made it!!

He took me to a Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon laser light show that was soo awesome. And yes, I know I sound like a nerd. Then we went to a bar (of which I didn’t even know the name of until Zoe informed me later after talking with Mav; I was too into the conversation and paid no attention to our surroundings!) and had a drink and talked a lot! Then, the bar was closing up so we left and he drove me home. And it was so cute, he walked me to my door, I thanked him for a wonderful night, and he kissed me on the cheek! (For the record, I’m turning red right now haha)

I do intend to go out with him again although no concrete plans have been made. And Zoe spoke to him yesterday as a covert operation and found out his side of the date and there are two specific things that need to be mentioned: 1. He referred to it as “a cute date” and 2. He said it was possibly the best first date he’s ever had! :-D

So with that, I believe I need to thank Zoe for not jumping his bones last semester and for playing the middle man to hook us up! Thanks Girlie!

Beautiful Mess

Paul and I went to a party this past weekend where I got to meet a bunch of his friends. The girl throwing the party introduced me to everyone as “Paul’s girlfriend, Sandy.” Then later she said to Paul, “I really like your girlfriend.” And he replied with “Isn’t she great?” So..... I think I’ll start calling him my boyfriend. :) Also.. group date tomorrow night!! Yes, “group” but a “date” nonetheless!

Anyways, what’s been on my mind a lot is the future. I’m a planner. What will I eat for lunch? What will I buy my mom for Christmas? What will be the theme of my 30th birthday party? Stuff like that. But what I’ve noticed lately is that as much as I “plan” a perfect day, event, activity, life happens and things don’t always go as perfect as I would like. For example, I’m going to school to be a teacher, but as it turns out I might not be able to get a job in that field and am considering exploring a completely different field. So it is worth it to plan? Do you just fly by the seat of your pants? Let me know what you think :)

Also... I stole this idea from someone else but I'm gonna post a song every week that I'm feeling. Hope you enjoy.
Beautiful Mess by Diamond Rio

The mean reds

Holly Golightly: "You know those days when you get the mean reds?"
Paul Varjak: "The mean reds, you mean like the blues?"
Holly Golightly: "No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?" -Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Hey guys, remember when I was all optimistic and blah blah blah. yeah. bout that. I'm not feeling it today. I pretty much feel like the real holly golightly in this scene I posted above. I've been feeling kinda strange lately and the strangest part is, I don't know why. My mom would say it's Hormones, my dad would say I need to do more things like excersize or get more sleep. I honestly don't know what to believe. I just know that I've been feeling down lately. Mostly, I am wanting to be alone and not wanting to go out or talk to people. Which is of course completely counter-intuitive to finding love. I think it's because I'm scared of a lot of things. Life can be scary sometimes and when you're like me, the fears can build up in your mind and paralyze you. When Audrey Hepburn's character got "the mean reds", the only place that made her feel safe was tiffany's. For me, it seems to be my bedroom but I can feel my parents disapproval about the amount of time I spend in here alone and I am not really sure what else to do. Some of my fears include the fantastic 4 reading this and not liking it because I am always supposed to be the positive one. the one with all the advice. and I don't want them to think less of me or see another side that they might not like. when of course that is completely irrational because my friends love me. but i have those fears just the same.

I never thought this blog would be like a therapy session but it actually is turning out to be just as helpful in some ways. I feel like evaluating why I do things and why I don't do things. Right now I can't seem to figure it out. Sorry to bum everyone out. On top of it I feel like I'm failing, I haven't met anyone and I don't see how I can. so blahhhhhh to that b.c. it's deff fear based. I stopped making efforts to get along with my family because I'm just not in the mood. Also there is nothing less I want to do this summer than continue to work my butt off for an internship that I'm not even getting paid for. But I have to, to graduate. Plus I owe the school money and they are going to put a hold on my account b.c. I just can't pay it right now and I'm going to have to wait until fall when my loan money comes in, to do so. I know it will be handled but it just sucks because my parents feel bad that they can't help me. which makes me feel bad. it's a crazy cycle.

I know these negative thoughts are not what I am supposed to be thinking but I am being honest with myself and that is what I am thinking. Most times when I'm bummed I put on a happy face and say the positive things that I should be saying like "there is no reason to be scared and certainly no reason to be unhappy". but right now I don't seem to be listening. I literally can visualize myself under a singular dark cloud that follows me around, like in a cartoon. How ridiculous is that??? I even recognize that I sound emo and completely unjustified and just whiny. but...it's... how i feel right now and I rather let it out then keep bottled up. But don't let my complaining fool you, some good things are coming up, my best friends birthday is this weekend and it's gonna be like 3 days worth of partying and I made her the best gift ever. Also my parents told me I am getting the car to bring back with my to school next year. Which for some reason I got mad at my parents for, instead of reacting gratefully and being happy about. I must be seriously disturbed because I still can't figure out my reaction on that one. I've narrowed it down to fears just not sure which ones yet. But I am happy about it. Maybe I just had a bad day and hopefully tomorrow I won't feel anxious and actually feel like I can handle my life (b.c. honestly I don't feel like I am capable to do so, not in the extreme way , just in the way that i wish i was better and had more life skills to handle it). I need to Change my attitude. Make the effort. Find joy in the little things etc. Mostly I want to find someone who won't let me take life so seriously. seriously. I guess that's all for now.
-Holly Golightly


Zoe- now more than ever do what makes you happy. I am indecisive as well but I know in my gut when something is right and you seem to have it already figured out. we only have one life to live. tomorrow is never garaunteed. and also that pic made me smile!! for real!
Jess- all I can say is Yayy!
Sandy- I am soo happy for you and the progress you and paul have made. you're just awesome.

Wishy-washy.

I am not sure if anyone knows this or not, but I am what you would call indecisive. My motto hmmm maybe not my motto but more so my response to everything and everyone is just “I don’t know”...and it is honestly because I really don’t. I don’t know how I feel about my life, life in general, love, relationships, people, everything. It’s madness I tells ya. I guess what I’m getting at is partially....dun dun dunnn....the boy. Oh, wow Zoe really who woulda thunk it. I know I know. I would get tired of hearing about this boy if I were someone else. To keep everyone updated I came to a realization last week. I was sitting thinking about what my plans were for the upcoming weekend, none of which included this boy. I didn’t purposely do it, but I caught myself. It went something like this “Okay so Friday I’m going to just hang out whatevs, Saturday I guess we’ll see, Sunday will be set for homework, Monday there will be a bar-b-q with Mav, Josh and Jess....okay sounds good”........a day later......”Oh wait.....there’s a boy in my life....I guess I should include him in this life....aw man...” Yep. I sound like a heartless bitch. I guess if you’re crazy about a person you would want them there with you doing things with you, sharing things in your life, yknow that sorta stuff. I guess the realization that I have come to was this: I guess I’m just not that into him. He’s been really kind, sweet, thoughtful, has tried his hardest to make up everything, but I feel like it....just...doesn’t....matter? So, he was supposed to come over today but I had a lot of things to do what with my car breaking down and that awesomeness. Yep. So I told him not to come over today. It’s always the hardest thing to hurt someone, but I have to do it....again. This summer I want to have fun, truly just have a good time as much as I can and if I’m not smilin every time I think about him....eh, that’s no bueno.

I like--no, love being by myself sometimes, doin my own thang, not givin’ a damn and what not and I’m not sure if I want to be with anyone right now. I want to be single but I do want to have someone to flirt with sometimes, cause hey why not?

I don’t expect you gals to respond to my post because I’m sure it’s gettin old, this back and forth way of thinking, but I know we need to be updated on everything :)

Holly---Talk to a boy. STAT.

Sandy---I hope things are still going somewhat well :)

Jess---Glad things worked out well yesterday, be care free and have fun!


And this made me laugh today.

Hey! There's a Bear!

So last week was busy as usual with school and work, but I had something to look forward to over this past weekend. My mom came to visit! I don’t know if I have ever been more excited to see her! I had so much fun just hanging out with her around town, taking her to my regular hangouts and seeing chick-flicks. By the time sunday afternoon came, we were both in tears saying Good Byes. But we reminded each other that in less than a month I would be moving and she will be back to help! I am so thankful that we have developed such a wonderful relationship. I can honestly say, and not many other people can, that there are no secrets between us. I love it!

On another note, I do have some unexpected news to share. I feel that it is unexpected because of the amount of protesting I did regarding “The Summer of Love.” Although that “L” word will NOT be finding its way out of my mouth (except of course to my Momma) I have some news about a certain boy. Remember Maverick? :-) ...Well Mav recently moved into a new place and invited Zoe and I over to celebrate with a BBQ. Unfortunately, the weather was iffy, so BBQ didn’t happen, but we did end up going to this nice little pizza place with him and his friend Josh. Then after pizza (Mav’s treat!) we went back to his house and delved into the delicious dessert that I spent the morning preparing! It was a Trifle that had chocolate cake, strawberries, raspberries, chocolate sauce, and cool whip. SO tasty if I do say so myself! We then spend the remaining part of the day sitting around talking and honestly, I do not think I have laughed that hard in a very long time! But like all good things, it did come to an end. It started getting pretty late and Zoe and I have class tomorrow morning, so we unfortunately had to head out just as they were talking about going to a bar around the corner. Zoe thinks that Maverick was planning on making his move to talk more one-on-one with me at the bar, but I guess I’ll never know... But one thing is for sure, HE DID NOT ASK FOR MY NUMBER! I’m okay with that though, but made sure that Zoe knows not to give it to him. Why, you ask? Because I want to be pursued! And if he wants to talk to me, then that boy will have to make it happen!

At least we’re guaranteed to meet up so I can get my bowl back from the dessert. I know, I plan ahead.

Always, Jess

P.S. Mav looked really adorable tonight!

Going to the chapel and...

So I was right. Paul is scared out of his mind to confirm our relationship as a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. He is more confused about what to do than I could have imagined. We worked together on Sunday and I overheard him tell someone that I was his girlfriend. On Monday I felt the need to bring up the fact that we are “just friends”. He felt the need to explain why he doesn’t want to jump into a relationship.

He is confused/scared/nervous/undecided/worried about: losing his job, finding a new place to live, our different political ideologies, our different faiths (2 branches of Christianity), how we would raise children. Yes, he wanted to know how we would raise children... But anyways the main point is he is worried that because of some of our differences, we may not work out.

Happily, we both have agreed that the only way to figure out if we would work out is to try it. He has encouraged me to ask any personal questions I may have. Finally... we aren’t just telling jokes and “hanging out”. I’ve already told him some personal things about myself (like my habit of not eating) and he is glad that we’re talking to each other and digging deep. Phew, am I relieved.

However.. he is still obsessed with the “I’m not married” thing. He even admitted that if he’s not thinking about me, he’s worrying about getting married. He thinks he’s way overdue to get married and says that since his last two relationships failed horribly he’s trying to make sure this one works out. (At this point you may be asking yourself: “Is Paul a 29 year old female?” And God, I hope not.) Basically, if I play my cards right, plan for a fall wedding ladies! He’s already talking about anniversary gifts he has planned, Christmas presents, plane tickets, etc. For those of you who know me well, this sounds very much like me. Again, I am not creeped out by anything he says or does and am extremely excited to pick out kids names. (He’s already decided on two)

So even if we don’t have a running title of boyfriend/girlfriend, I’m happy that this is going in a serious direction. Also, thank you to my support system for being there for me. I know I talk A LOT and although I want to talk about my relationship all day long, I also want to be sure to cover general topics we all can learn from about love, life, and ourselves and will try to do so in upcoming blogs. Happy Weekend! <3

I'll have the greek salad...

Hey guys! Now I know we are supposed to write about our love lives on here but i'll be honest there is nothing to update you in that area. :( Over the long weekend I had fun at my play, hung out with some great friends and then celebrated my sister's birthday on monday. And just for those wondering, I am proud to say that the childhood friend was there and I didn't give him a second glance and am very proud of myself for that!

Anyways, today I am going to talk about my crazy life. Unfortunately I am no longer the "morning person" I used to be in high school. Although I somewhat resemble snow white, birds don't come singing at my window and help me prepare for the day. What actually happened was this. It's my day off and I want nothing more to sleep in but it's 8 am and I hear the lovely sounds of several lawn mowers and leaf blowers, LITERALLY outside of my window. So at 9 am when the sounds finally stopped assaulting my ears, I admit defeat (with the sun now shining through my window)and I get up and get ready for the day. I was pretty annoyed with it but it didn't bother me for long because a good breakfast does much to cheer me up :). What can I say? I'm easy to please!


In order for you to understand the next part of the story, I guess I should explain that I am home for the summer from college and that being with my family tends to make me more stressed than usual. I LOVE them dearly but it seems whenever I am around them I become the person I used to be and all my old bad habits, such as my bad temper, that I've worked so hard on these past three years to get rid off,comes back to me with a vengence. Simple things like patience, levelheadedness, and maturity for that matter lose all meaning when these 4 italians sit down at the dinner table. I want so much to be a better person that it kills me sometimes that I can't seem to keep my usual life philosophy's (happiness, calmness, hakuna matata etc )intact.

My main issues right now seem to be with wanting to be heard and validated. My parents, as great as they are don't seem to hear me when I talk and it bothers me to no end. I want them to recognize me as an adult and respect my opinions as such. But they are pretty much unwilling to break the habit of "do what we say, regardless of what you think, because we know what's best". Not to discredit my parents because they usually do know what's right for me. However, I have to say that they are stifiling my growth when they don't allow me to learn for myself and they def. don't make me feel confident when they brush aside my own opinions on things. I understand this is pretty vague, so here is a perfect example of what I mean when I say, "they don't listen to me".


Today I went to lunch with my sister and my mom on their lunch breaks from work. We went to Offerdahls and my sister stayed outside to get us a table and my mom and I went inside to order. The conversation went as follows:
Mom: What do you want to eat?
Me: A salad, hmm maybe a ceaser...no wait I want the greek salad!
Mom: Do you want chicken in that?
Me: No, I'll just have the greek salad, no chicken
MOM: Are you sure? I think you should get chicken.
Me: nope just a plain greek salad.
Mom: Chicken is protein it's good for you.
Me: Really, I'm good.
Mom: I'll order my salad to be big and you can eat the extra chicken mine has.
Me: MOM! I don't want Chicken! I just want a plain greek salad!
At this point I leave her and go sit outside with my sister and I try to calm myself and not get crazy over nothing.

My sister, seeing that I am distressed trys to calm me down a little so I relax, knowing that it's not about the chicken but rather a bigger issue that no one really listens to me or cares to acknowledge that I might know what I want for myself, best.
At last I calm down, thank my mom for lunch when she comes back with the drinks and I offer to help her get the food when the order is up. I walk over to the counter pick up the food and bring it back to the table. My sister gets her sandwich, my mom gets her big salad with lots of chicken (but is finally discerning enough not to ask if i want any) and I get a CEASER salad... which is not what I ordered at all. My mother finally heard that I didn't want chicken but didn't seem to hear me the several times I said greek salad. Like I said, no one listens to me. At this point, All I can do is laugh.

Here's wishing things get better. Praying that I will finally meet a guy(preferably one who will help me stay out of my house as much as possible). And Hoping that you guys are having better times of it than me. haha
-Holly Golightly

How to lose a boy in ten days?

So here it is. Tuesday again. A week has come and gone. I wish I had eventful things to write about but nothing eventful has really happened. The boy and I are trying things again officially and he has been very chivalrous. He came to my bachelorette pad and took me out on a date. We watched movies and ate some health food such as pizza, bread sticks, and pie and then he spent the night. We went out to dinner tonight with his dad, who is in love with me and told me he wants the boy and I to go up to Maryland, his home state. He also told us that he would pay for everything, plane tickets, food, one night in a cottage on this vacation island and a room on his house boat. I was in shock. Ummmmmm although it’s a great offer and I would love to go, I feel like this is a commitment andddd I’m not a fan of that. Well....I don’t know what I’m going to do because I wasn’t even sure I was going to be with him for that long. I guess we shall see where things take us.

I feel like I’m still being a jerk towards him in our relationship again. I think I’m subconsciously getting back at him for hurting me and taking advantage of a lot of things. If I want something I expect to get it from him, not like materialistic things but for example if I wanted to go somewhere I will blatantly tell him and he will just agree. I think for all the selfish and inconsiderate things he has done to me I’m allowed to do what I want with him. I guess you can say I am in "Take" mode, right now I'm giving "Give" mode a breather. Hmm I don’t know what I’m saying really. He puts up with me. I don’t know why, but hey if that’s what he wants so be it. Boys are silly.

Double Shot of Happy

Today I was de-cluttering, thanks to my mom’s new found obsession. Go through every shelf, drawer, and closet and throw away all the junk that you haven’t touched for years - apart, of course, from moving it from one house to the next. While I was going through my desk, I found a stack of cards that I received for my 21st birthday. So in the spirit of de-cluttering, I decided to read through them to determine if I wanted to keep them or not.

“Wishing you a double shot of happy today.” While singing “Pour me another shot of whiskey” in an obvious country twang when you open it. Love always... His parents. Awesome. Trash!

But then I found a card from my dad. Well, one of his cards, because he always sends multiple for one occasion and signs it differently every time with different message. But I found one. And one line... brought me to tears.

Time to feel beautiful, special, and loved.
Because there’s no doubt that you are.

Beautiful. How easy it is to feel beautiful when there’s a person there to tell you all the time. But not having that, you have to find ways to make yourself feel that way without being reminded by someone else. I never thought that would be so hard to do. But it is. Especially when you may not be that stereotypical blonde, tan, and size 0. It’s hard to look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am beautiful.” And even harder to actually believe it.

Special. How do you feel special when there’s no one to wake up before you and make your favorite breakfast? How can you feel special when there’s no one to look into your eyes and say “I am so lucky to have you in my life.”

Loved. Love... Love is so great. Not great like “awesome”, but great like monumental. Life-changing. Love is addicting and I was an addict. I loved feeling loved. Waking up early in the morning for class when he didn’t have to get up yet and him begging me to stay in bed so he could hold me. God I loved that.

And I just cried. Because I don’t. I don’t feel beautiful. I don’t feel special. And, other than my parents who pretty much have to love me, I don’t feel loved.

I know I should. But just because I should, doesn’t mean I do.

Tell three different people today, or tomorrow since I know it’s late, that they are beautiful, special, and loved. It may be just what they need to hear to get through the day.

Yours, Jess

She don't want a man? She just wanna dance?

So we’re making progress. Paul and I went on a date Saturday: dinner, movie, dessert, and had a great time. Now I don’t know how to bring up the “girlfriend” question to him. How long does a girl wait until the guy says something about being exclusive? I’m one of the most patient people I know and I’m giving him till the end of the summer to figure out if this is what he wants, but in the meantime what should I do? Introduce myself to his friends and family because he doesn’t? When people ask if we’re together say “No, we’re just friends?”

Something happened while we were at a bar this past Friday. Me, Zoe, and Jess decided we wanted to dance so we did. Guys approached us and to me they were drunk and harmless. Now Paul didn’t think that way at all. He was concerned because I didn’t try to get away from the guy. He was hurt because it looked like I wanted to dance with the guy. Truth be told I don’t ever want to dance with anyone but Paul. So when it comes down to it, I won’t dance with other guys because it makes him uncomfortable, but does that make me exclusive to him? Holly thinks I should address the situation but honestly I don’t think he knows what he wants from me just yet or maybe he does and is too scared to admit it.

Let’s look into the future. Far-fetched as it may be just go with me here. Paul is looking for a wife, he said this himself. I am looking for a serious relationship. I’ve always been an independent person. I know how to take care of myself, respect myself, and love myself. I’m looking for that other person to give all of this love to. To some it may seem that I’m wishing my life away but I’ve always been more grown up, if you will, than everyone around me. If Paul and I work out, and a couple years go by, he’ll be ready, and so will I. This has the potential to end up in a happily ever after. That’s why I think he’s not so sure of what to do with me yet. I’m trying to put myself in his shoes, and boy would I feel scared. I think for now I will give him time and reassurance. Honestly, we act like a couple anyways, so who cares if we aren’t FBO. If you’d like to do the countdown with me he’s got till August 22nd.

*On a side note: Paul always says the most ridiculous things about marriage and children and not in a joking fashion either so every time he says something like that I will include it because really? WTF? Sometimes I just would like to say that to him. What the f........
So I was really sick last night with an upset stomach and ended up in his bathroom. He was trying to make me feel better so I wouldn’t throw up or faint so he asked me to start doing “pregnancy breathing”. “Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth.” Yes ladies, he did this with me. He literally sat on the bathroom floor and held my face with one hand and held a washcloth to my neck with the other. He then proceeded to rub and pat my stomach and say “It’s okay, Paul Jr. is in there. We gotta make him feel better.” Most of you are creeped out right now, yet of course, I am not.

Platform 9 3/4

Why yes, my title is a random Harry Potter reference. And I'm sure you're all wondering. How is this girl still single??? But really I've spent my day off from internship having a Harry Potter movie marathon. Well what else is a girl to do, stuck alone at home with no car? I've downed a waffle with syrup, some french vanilla coffee, popcorn, an apple, and a glass of water. I'm prob. going to make a sandwich when I actually feel like getting up again.(oh yes, I said prob, jess hates it lol) All in all it's been a good/strange day. I've made some fake progress, I've decided I'll probably marry George or Fred, whichever one doesn't die in book 7. I kinda forget right now. Either way I would break my no ginger rule for them. But then again, they are probably nuetrals; they seem too interested in their joke shop. It would be just my luck.

In more realistic matters, I will be spending this weekend helping out my local children's theater group. The show begins friday. I'll be helping backstage and then my friends and I are doing a little dance at the end. (I am a dancer btw, since I was 2) I am excited yet dreading it because this means I will probably see one friend in particular that I've known since I was a child and I used to like him and whenever he is in the room I always find myself trying to see if he's looking at me. He never is. I hate that I do this to myself. I honestly don't even like him anymore, it was years ago that I did. I just can't seem to stop hoping that he'll notice me. It's completely immature, I'll admit but I can't seem to stop myself. ughhhhh. I drive myself crazy sometimes. I really just think I am craving attention, which I never do, so it's a wierd feeling for me. Then again, he might not even show up, so I could just be going crazy over nothing. In fact, I vow to forget about this nonsense and just focus on having fun and putting on a play.

I guess the main problem for me now is that I'm not sure where to meet guys. I don't really have any friends home for the summer. My high school friends and I have drifted apart and I've never been friends with guys anyways, so I feel kind of stumped as to where to go or what to do. I went to a bar last weekend downtown and I had fun but ZERO luck. I've never been able to meet guys at bars. Maybe I'll get a job seeing as my unpaid internship, leaves me broke. Any SUGGESTIONS would be much appreciated! But I'm babbling. So i'll end this by saying:

Jess: go for maverick! and I'm super jealous you are hitting the gym, as you can see my eating habits are not the best lol.
Zoe: good luck with the ex, I hope it works out...again! lol just don't settle and don't let him make you feel guilty or mess with your head.
Sandy: i'm sure you'll explain this later but i'll just say try not to leave paul/danny zucco stranded at the drive-in, tell him he is worth more than a good looking boytoy.
love you girls and have great weekends!
-Holly Golightly.

up in the air.

Okay, so I suppose I never really informed anyone in much detail of why it ended between me and the boy. When he and I were together I felt like I was not appreciated and I felt that he did and said selfish things. I never exactly gave him a fair chance to communicate to him about all the things that I found unacceptable in our relationship that he did. So when I dumped him he was kind of caught off guard, he knew something was wrong the few weeks before the break up, but didn’t know exactly what it was. I guess I just thought he would figure it out and come to a realization of what those things were. He was very confused the week after the break up and wanted badly to just talk to me. I was hesitant because I just didn’t think anything good would come of it, but I called him one night and laid it ALL down....and when I say ALL down I mean evvvvvvverythangggg. I told him every single thing he did that made me upset and that I should never have to put up with in a relationship (no holding back). He saw my side of it and was very understanding and felt like a complete ass. I hung up and let him think about everything I said for the remainder of the week. He spoke to me again a few days later telling me how much of a dick he feels, wakes up sad every morning knowing how much he hurt me, how sorry he is for ever doing these things (and of course, I’m just like “Yeah? Well, good.) . The thing that keeps running through my mind is this.....if he truly cared for me as much as he’s saying, then why WHY did he do what he did in the first place, why did he not apologize or recognize anything when it happened? Is that too much to expect, I mean REALLY. I am not the type of person to ever give people second chances, if someone has hurt me once they will probably hurt me again and I just don’t need that in my life.

He knows words and actions are two different things. Expressing to me how sorry he is and how much he wants to make everything up to me and prove to me how much he cares and how much I mean to him and how much he loves having me in his life will come with time. Skeptical is the word that keeps popping up in my mind. I don’t have a lot of faith in people and I just worry what would happen if we tried things again. I just keep thinking in my head that our relationship was only a few months and there should never be issues in the “Honeymoon Stage”. I have never been a fan of those ‘off and on’ relationships, but I’ll be honest I think I may consider going again. The only reason why I feel this way is because I really didn’t communicate to him how I felt when he did things that I was not a fan of ( but again I just feel like I shouldn’t have to) . I understand communication is key in a functional relationship and I am willing to open up more to him and be completely honest with him, it will be a challenge for me because I am not the type to just lay out everything flat out. I let him know that if we ever tried things again I will try to not have a biased attitude towards the relationship and give him somewhat of a chance to prove himself. I also let him know (almost---no, definitely, in a threatening way) that if he EVER did anything to hurt me again that it will be over in a heartbeat and he told me he understands completely.

I am just up in the air about things as of right now. I’m leaning towards trying again. We had a lot of fun together when things were good and I’m sure we could have fun again. It’s been a crazy week, but I guess we shall see how things pan out come next Tuesday.

Sitting. Waiting. Wishing.

So far, I’m holding up my end of the bargain. The gym has been a nearly daily occurrence and I have been to the grocery store twice this week to replenish my supply of fresh fruits and veggies. I feel more energetic and like I am really starting to turn around my bad habits. Although the fro-yo down the street is still my biggest vice, that’s not a habit I am willing to conquer just yet.

Now as far as the males go in my life... Well, that’s another story. On Friday, Zoe, Sandy and I went to Podunk to watch Paul’s softball games which I’m sure you’ll hear more about on Thursday. Well, Paul’s friend Dan is also on the team and has always been overly nice to all four of us whenever we see him. Now, before I continue, I need to just mention that last week, we went to a bar with Paul and Dan and Dan’s girlfriend was there. I will admit that I was feeling very friendly with the liquid courage that I had been downing, but a familiar song came on that only Dan and I knew. So of course, we ended up singing it together and I may or may not have had my arm around Dan. This sparked a huge dispute between Dan and his woman. Now, a week later, after casual conversation during the game, Paul springs on me that Dan is now single. I know its bad, but I really don’t feel bad because frankly, she must have been really insecure if one song changed their relationship (unless there was more trouble in paradise that I am just not aware of). Regardless, we spent the night after the game flirting but I don’t think Paul was too happy about it. He advised me at one point not to start anything with Dan, yet did not explain why the warning. I’m not worried because it’s not exactly like I’m looking for a relationship. Is it bad that I just enjoy the attention? I have not had even a second glance from any guy for almost 5 months. Can you blame me?

Then, yesterday I was at the pool with Zoe and she tells me that someone asked her if she thought I would go out with him. I was floored! Someone actually asked about me?! After much convincing, I find out that mystery man is Maverick, Zoe’s old roommate. Mav is cute and funny. The kind of guy you can stay at home with and still have a blast! But to be honest, I don’t really know him too well. But that’s that dating is for right? Anyway, Zoe says he was a great boyfriend in his last relationship, and I don’t doubt it. But would it be fair to see him when I’m still having almost nightly dreams about my ex? He doesn’t deserve that...

But what about me? What do i deserve? Do I deserve to be alone when the relationship I put everything into ended for things that I did not do wrong? I know it is biased for me to say, but I was a great girlfriend. I did everything right. So why am I the one alone? And more importantly, when will I be over him and finally get something great?
Not-So-Patiently Waiting, Jess

Summer Lovin, Had me a Blast!

I’m Sandy. My summer of love will hopefully lead to true love. I’m the one who coined “summer of love” because that is what I want more than anything. My dating history condensed: Ryan: 3.5 years. He was a liar. Will: 3 months. He may or may not be gay. Holly calls him a “neutral” which means he may not prefer men or women but is completely in love with something else, like sports. Anyways, I have been single for over a year now and am looking to get serious with the right guy. The man I am pursuing is Paul.
We met at my workplace in Podunk, FL. I work there only once a week. So since I’ve met Paul, in August, I’ve only been able to get to know him through the limited time I spend at work. Since December we’ve been interested in each other. Since January we’ve been talking online, on the phone, meeting each other’s friends/family, and gone on few dates. My goal: to try to go on more dates with Paul and some day soon maybe, just maybe have a quality boyfriend. Oh yeah and get married and have a bunch of kids. Did I leave that out?

Hakuna Matata

Hey guys! I'm Holly (at least for this blog, I am) I'm 21 and an eternal optimist! Therefore, let me just say my life (and summer) motto - Hakuna Matata. No worries, be happy and all that. You can look forward to postivity and mushy gushy Disney fairy tale like blogging, every wednesday!

I guess I should start off by telling you that I absolutely voted to call this summer, the "summer of love" but not because I'm in love, or have any prospects for that matter. I wanted a summer of love because being in love is something I've never experienced. In fact it is my opinion that it is better to love and lost, then never to have loved at all. I know that I can't even imagine what it's like to feel the pain of losing someone you love in a break-up. However, I do know what it's like to be alone my whole life, to never be in love and be loved in return and trust me, it's not something I would wish on anyone. Still, I have amazing friends, you've met two of them already (Jess and Zoe)and you'll meet Sandy tomorrow. I have a great family and I go to a fabulous college where I am in a sorority that I adore (no matter how much I complain about it lol). I feel very blessed to have all that I do but before I get too "rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens" on you, I must say that I do feel like there is something missing in my life. Yep, you guessed it, it's a boyfriend.

Being 21 and never having had a boyfriend is somewhat strange, I know this better than anyone, trust me, but knowing a fact and knowing how to change it are two seperate things entirely. My usual shy demeanor when it comes to the opposite sex is something that I've had for as far back as I can remember and the older I get, the harder it seems to break free from it. However, I refuse to give up hope on myself and I have decided it's time to take action in my life. Albert Einstein once said the definition of insanity is "doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results." Well dear readers, I refuse to be insane any longer. I can't just expect the perfect man to just show up at my doorstep and fall in love with me. So I am going to try something else. I am going to get up, despite the fears I have and make my life the way I want it to be. I no longer want to blame my circumstances, the people around me, or anything else for what my life lacks, I am going to take control and be responsible for my life and my happiness!

I decided that I should look at this problem like I would look at any other type of obstacle in my life. I can make goals for myself and try to accomplish them, step by step. So together with the fantastic four, I compiled a list of potential traits I want out of my "perfect 10" guy and go from there. I have the lists we all made at my house with me and I will remind everyone from time to time what it is that they want on their life so we can focus on our goals. If you can see it, you can achieve it, right? Preferably I am hoping that by focusing on exactly what I want, then he really will appear on my doorstep, so to speak. You know, "manifestation" and "Oprah vision boards" and all that. As far as taking action, I was assigned to talk to at least three guys this summer and report back to the fantastic 4. I know this doesn't seem like much but for me it really is lol, baby steps, people!

So, I guess we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck, guys! <3
-Holly Golightly.

Now put your hands up!

Hello all. Introducing another piece to the puzzle, me, Zoe. So this is the Summer of Love and I began mine by.....breaking up with the boy. Yes, I did it. It’s strange to think back to when the boy and I first met and thinking to myself “This is perfect” and then only a short time later thinking to myself “This is not so perfect”. It’s a very disappointing feeling. It was a short lived relationship but a relationship nonetheless and although we did have a few things in common, he ultimately wasn’t worth my time. Oh well. Moving on.

So, now what?

Since I am single again, I am not completely sure if I should be back on the prowl? I am more than content with being single, it’s nice and there’s a lot to like about being single, but it’s also nice to have that someone who gives you those butterflies, someone to daydream about, someone you want to pretty yourself up for, someone who makes you feel so excited just because you’re going to see them, someone that can make your heart smile.

There are a few boys that have been talking to me (nothing serious of course, but there are some definite vibes). One, Tyler, who I have a lot in common with, very easy going, easy to talk to, a bit of an interesting person.....I am unsure about if I find him physically attractive, which sounds shallow but let’s be honest with ourselves.....we are all an eency bit shallow. He would like to hang out with me some time. Let’s see. Two, Jordan, I’ve known him for a long time. He is a very attractive young man, if having babies was in my future (which it’s not....by choice) I think we would be doing the world a favor by having one because our child would be drop dead gorgeous (sounds cocky, but if you saw this boy...ooo). The thing about Jordan is...I feel that he’s very innocent and we also have different beliefs. We have always flirted with each other, but I guess it was always bad timing with us, I had a boyfriend for a while and then he eventually got a girlfriend. Now we don’t have either of those. So. Yeah. I will stop there.

I do not know what I want, which is probably something a lot of us find ourselves saying on a daily basis. I feel like I gave a lot of myself into my last relationship and I need to recharge and reevaluate. I don’t think I am going to actively look for a boy, whatever happens happens. I will just go with the flow and see where that takes me. It should be fun.

Summer of...

I’m Jess and only one fraction of the Fantastic Four. I am 21 and newly single (is it still new if it occurred 4 months ago?). And for the record, I did not vote on “The Summer of Love.” I am still on the donors list for a new heart, and don’t think I’m ready for even the possibility of a minor ache- good or bad. But since I lost the vote, I will go along with this title. This is my summer of love. My summer where I focus on the love of my friends, family, and most importantly, where I learn how to love myself again. Not THAT “self love” Sandy, I have already mastered that aspect! But where I learn to love myself and accept who I am for how I look and what I accomplish. I am going to try my hardest, but if you have ever hated something about yourself, I’m sure you know how difficult it can be to overcome those imperfections.

For example, a few days ago, I turned down the opportunity to go to The Springs with a group of people. Even though I declined because an old friend of mine was coming into town for the day, the real reason wasn’t because I had plans. If he said they were going tomorrow, I’d still say no. To be honest, there is no way I could face a group of college guys while I only have a bathing suit to hide behind. Now by no means do I think I am fat, because seriously, I’m not. But a bathing suit? I’ll pass. Yet as I think about why I said no, I know that I am just holding myself back from having a really great time. I mean, floating down the river with seemingly endless beer, the sun, and good company= a guaranteed good time! So like an alcoholic, I have admitted I have a problem, but now what? I still feel like shit. And even though I am vowing to stop complaining, hit the gym, and eat better this summer, there is no instant gratification.

So bring on the inspirational quotes! I will add them all to my mirror where I will read them everyday.

Cheers to a promising summer (crossing my fingers) and great friends!

... Now where’s my beer?

Introduction: Summer of Love

This is our story... Holly and Sandy met in high school freshman year. Sandy becomes random roommates with Jess in college freshman year. Jess meets Zoe in her junior year of college. All four of us meet and the rest is history. Holly, Sandy, Jess, Zoe. This is our summer of love. Some of us wish to rename that title but in reality this is the last summer of freedom before our grueling senior year of college. As each lady travels through the summer of love she will write on our blog on an assigned day. Jess on Mondays, Zoe on Tuesdays, Holly on Wednesdays, and Sandy on Thursdays. I must add a caution note however, we have changed our names and will change other names to protect the innocent. For example: we all go to school in Mid Florida, but Holly and I are from Spanish, FL, Jess is from Rich, FL, and Zoe is from San Juan, FL. Also, our stories/lives may not be suitable for all audiences. Although we are no Sex in the City foursome, we aren’t quite as clean cut as the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants either. We encourage each other to use this space to write from the heart and share our true experiences without the editing. And with that our journey begins...