zip-a-dee-doo-da

heyy ppl. so things are better now. i feel more equipped to deal with life! isn't that exciting??? i think so. i'm thinking it's amazing how my mood has changed fairly quickly so either the worst is over and the storm is finally gone for real and things are looking up or i'm bipolar.lol. I have a good feelin it's the former.


i am choosing to be happy from now on. that's all there is too it. if i can make it through the hard times, and i have, (and i'm not gonna lie, it was very difficult to do and at the time, i didn't how i could) then you can appreciate the good times. And that's what i am placing all my thoughts on, the good times. mainly, myself and my happiness as a priority. when things were bad, worry only got me so far. i found that joy can come out of the most unlikely places and i am not gonna sit around worrying when theres much more to enjoy. yeah, being home for the summer is an difficult adjustment. my parents annoy the crap out of me sometimes. my sister is included as well. most of my friends are far away. i haven't managed to get a job yet. BUT my family loves me and my 2 best friends that i've known almost my life are here, i'm healthy, i have what i need and life... life is good.


no, i haven't found a boyfriend, a summer fling, or even a guy with the slightest potential to be either. but i feel more confident in myself and feel happy with my life and that's all i can ask for right now. some things that recently occured shook up my world but i can say i made it through and i feel stronger now. call me a fortune cookie but everything happens for a reason . for now, i am going to focus soley on myself and my happiness (because i can) and enjoy the calm, if not a little boring, summer. the best part of it is, the summer isn't over yet. who knows what will come next? I'm pretty sure it's gonna be amazing. i may have high expectations but i rather think postively and be wrong, then think negatively and be right.

JESS: i am more than elated for u and mav. my gosh girl you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that u are happy right now! and u were the one opposed to summer of passion. ha.
Zoe: M.I.A.??? it's ok lol but i do wanna hear about ur life soon
Sandy: have fun this weekend, and of course, i say this legit all the time but "never settle for ANYTHING less than you deserve"

i miss u all immensely.

-Holly Golightly

All I can say is WOW...

So I know it's technically Tuesday, but since I haven't gone to bed yet, I am going to say that it's still Monday and I am not late with my post :-)

Well, as some of you may know, I had another date tonight with Maverick, which is why it is almost 3am and I am just now getting to blog! Tonight Mav and I went to Bahama Breeze for dinner which was absolutely amazing! The food was great and the drinks were strong! Although I was not able to fully enjoy the variety of drinks because I drove. Mav has been having some trouble with his car, so I offered to help out. Then, after dinner, we went to a true tourist attraction to get a coffee (Maverick's order) and a root beer float (mine). Then we walked around people watching (AND HOLDING HANDS!! ) which was hilarious! And eventually we found a nice bench by the water and started getting a little cozy. He had his arm around me and would kiss me out of nowhere! It actually pretty romantic. After I while though, I was getting bothered by bugs, so I suggested to leave. Once we got in the car, I swear we both turned into high school kids and sat there for at least an hour not saying one word, if you get my drift. Eventually, we decided to head out and settled for kissing at every red light! I seriously do not know how I focused enough to get us home! But we eventually did get to my place and (please don't yell at me) but I invited him in!! GAH! I did find enough strength to not show him my room, but we dominated the couch for a good.... TWO solid hours! (I kinda like how I just used "dominated" to describe what happened. There really is no better word) And poor Chrissy (one of my roommates). She kinda walked in at one point and she had no idea we were there, let alone what was occurring! haha Anyways, he just left and I really do not know how I am going to sleep now (or how I am going to wake up tomorrow for class...)

Wish me luck! xoxox

Meet Me Halfway

Paul and I are in the middle of a crisis, that’s why I’m still very blah. See I’m ready for a long lasting commitment, a future, and a boyfriend. That’s right, I must retract a former statement: Paul is NOT my boyfriend. We are getting to know each other. You might ask: Haven’t you guys been doing this already? and I would reply with: Why, yes we have! But Paul wants to take his time. The next girl he takes home to mom is gonna be the last one according to him. Until I get fed up, we’re taking it slow.

Brand New by Trey Songs
I’m Gonna Find Another You by John Mayer

Breathe In, Breathe Out.

My mantra as of late. I desperately wanna write cool/funny/happy stuff in the blog today but i would only be fooling myself. Suffice it to say that i have some very uncool stuff happening and i don't know how to fix it. I have hope that everything will turn out okay in the end but I can't see it now and it's turning my stomach in knots. I know i am being vague but it's all I can do. However, I think most people can relate to feeling helpless at one point or another and not knowing how things will turn out in the end. In my own weird way, I am a control freak, so not knowing what will happen scares me like nothing else. I thought not having the "summer of love" that i wanted would be bad enough but I guess it's true that when people say when it rains it pours. but I wish it would rain pennies from heaven, or better yet be raining men. lol.
-Holly Golightly

Zoe: i didn't know that u were still willing to have fun and passion with that guy but i wonder what will happen...i guess all i can say is have fun and be careful
Jess: thank u for being so awesome. i shall live vicariously thru u
Sandy: never settle for anything less than u deserve!

S. O. L. O.

Hello all! It’s me Zoe and have almost fully recovered from the past few weeks. Error......I think I am at the point where I can explain? Well, here goes.

Okay, I came to a decision a while back that I am indecisive. The end. Haha just kidding, no but seriously I ended things with the boy...again? Yep. So here’s what happened, I broke up with him once, we talked things out, he wanted things to happen again and that things would be different, I was still unsure but I thought yknow we could have some fun maybe my feelings will replenish themselves.....um yeah didn’t happen. Granted he was very sweet, very thoughtful, showered me with presents, it just wasn’t there anymore and as much as I knew he wanted things to work again I just couldn’t waste his time. So. I hadn’t talked to him in a couple weeks, remember that one date we went on and it was great and fun, well that was the last I saw of him and even talked to him ( I kinda sorta tried to avoid him maybe?) I wanted to end things via text or AIM BUT some people thought that wouldn’t be polite. Blah. So, I wasn’t going to go over to his place (waste of gas HELLO) and he needed to get his DVDs back and whatnot, so he came over my place. What makes this worse is the day I wanted to end things he drove an HOUR AND A HALF to come to my apt.....eek. Thaaaat sucked. He came over and showered me with kisses (on the cheek caussee to be honest I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t) He made me two mix CDs and bought me a candied apple (cause Ive never had one before) We sat on the bed. I was awkward. He wanted to cuddle and I...didn’t. So I said dun dun dunnn “We need to talk” the boy says “oh I knew this was coming”. Sum things up I told him i didnt want to be with him anymore, he thought he was the best most “awesome” (and yes ladies he did say awesome) boyfriend ever, but whatever it’s done. He gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek and he was on his way (he then made it FBO and deleted me as a friend on FB).

In the midst of all this boy drama, I kinda was hanging out with a couple other boys.

One we shall call Fox. He is foyyynne. and. has a kid. Meh. Well anyway Fox and I met thru friends and we share a few of the same friends. We hung out a couple times, it was very relaxed, very natural but nothing too special I suppose. Although this boy is fine, he kinda moved really quick, like after a couple hang outs he wanted to kiss me? So, I told him I just wanted to be friends. Too fast there buddy. So the end.

In the midst of all that boy drama, I spent some time with another boy (ladies I know I sound kiiiinda slutty? but...insert statement that makes me not look/sound like a slut here...) So anyway this boy we shall call Collin, has been very sweet, very thoughtful, all this good stuff, we’ve known each other for a while and have hung out quite often. We flirt and have a lot of fun together, things never get too serious or awkward and it’s just nice. We’ve been hanging out regularly and we both know we don’t want anything serious ( duh, i just got out of a relationship ) but we enjoy each others company. So far, it’s been great, we go to the beach, watch movies, play video games, he cooks me food, I get wonderful massages, it’s good :) Let’s just say I think I have my summer fling. Knock knock summer of passion, Zoe’s here.

Bittersweet Symphony

Hello all, just so you all know, today is going to be short and sweet on account of a ridiculously huge and important test Zoe and I have at 8am tomorrow morning. Summer school blows, for the record. So, yes, tomorrow at this time, the test will be over and I may or may not be crying. But, before my eyes get red and puffy, I must keep in mind that I have a date! Yea I said it, a date! Like SECOND date! I have no idea what is in store, but earlier this week, Maverick asked if we could celebrate the end of the studying/testing tuesday night! Of course I said yes! So in the midst of all this God-forsaken physics, anatomy, and other radiology crap constantly running through my head, I have to worry about what I'm going to wear and try to remember to shave my legs (I know its summer and I should be keeping on top of this, but my program is hard and my hair grows too fast so don't judge me).

Pros of Tuesday
- Date
- Shave
- Work Out
- No More Studying

Cons of Tuesday
- Test
- Test!
- Test!!!
- TEST!!!

Bleh.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Kind of having a blah week. Trying to write more than blah blah blah blah blah. But I’m getting the idea that I’m not the only one feeling this way. All in all, I’m healthy, blessed, and have a promising future. I always need to remember that. We should all remember that, you beautiful, beautiful girls. So what do you do when you need to relax? Whether it be for a couple seconds, a couple minutes, a whole day..

Kind of bipolar this week:
Hell Bent by Kenna
Riding Solo by Jason Derulo

Rebel Without a Cause

Soo no updates here. Except my newfound love for the late James Dean. lol. [Thanks TMC] Summer is flying by and no boys to speak of. However, I'm feeling better about things. Not that things are really getting better per se. but I'm feeling better about them nontheless. In essence I guess it's half the battle. To be honest that's all I got for ya this week.
-Holly Golightly
Zoe: I understand your error. lol and I less than three you.
Jess: I didn't know you were a nerd. It's awesome.
Sandy: I love the music thing ur doing.

!!!

error.

Cheers To Stan!

So although all you beautiful ladies have already heard (and are probably already tired of hearing), I had a date with Maverick Saturday night!! But lets backtrack a little, Saturday Zoe and I had a picnic with our Radiology class. We met up at a lake park where one of our professors lives because she so graciously agreed to show us around her town (purely to continuously talk about how wonderful her life it). But regardless, it was a beautiful sunny day on the boat touring the waterways, tubing, and swimming in the big, alligator-infested, murky-watered, hot-and-simultaneously-cold lake! Overall, it was a great time (I was even in my bathing suit! I know, you never saw that coming!).... up until I asked what time it was... DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN

Now, so you all fully understand what was happening, Maverick asked me out and said he would pick me up at 9pm. No biggie right? Except Zoe and I were over an hour away, on a boat in the middle of a giant lake, and it was 6:30! I was going nuts and Zoe can surely attest to that! After doing the math I determined that, if we were lucky, I’d get home at 8, leaving exactly ONE HOUR to shower, blow-dry my hair, do make-up, and get dressed! One we were in the car, I feel like the worst part was, there was no way I could do anything to get it out of the way before I got home. So i anxiously waited. And waited. And waited, until we finally pulled up to my apartment where I proceeded to take the stairs two at a time to the third floor, run through the door, and fully strip down before even making it to my shower! My roommates should all feel blessed that they were in their rooms with the doors shut so they did not have to see this race against time!

Anyways, details unknown to me, I was able to shower and wash my hair in record time, get dressed, put make-up on (not too surprising since I never wear much), and I even remembered to put deodorant on before Zoe returned from dropping off a fellow radiology student. By that time, I was half-way done blowdrying my hair and Zoe thankfully took over that task as I continued to freak myself out and get so nervous that my feet turned red! Recalling the date prep now is still managing to stress me out! But anyways, Zoe finished and quickly left so Mav wouldn’t see her on her way out. And just as I was brushing my teeth, before spitting, phone rings! It’s Maverick and he’s here! Oh. My. God. I made it!!

He took me to a Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon laser light show that was soo awesome. And yes, I know I sound like a nerd. Then we went to a bar (of which I didn’t even know the name of until Zoe informed me later after talking with Mav; I was too into the conversation and paid no attention to our surroundings!) and had a drink and talked a lot! Then, the bar was closing up so we left and he drove me home. And it was so cute, he walked me to my door, I thanked him for a wonderful night, and he kissed me on the cheek! (For the record, I’m turning red right now haha)

I do intend to go out with him again although no concrete plans have been made. And Zoe spoke to him yesterday as a covert operation and found out his side of the date and there are two specific things that need to be mentioned: 1. He referred to it as “a cute date” and 2. He said it was possibly the best first date he’s ever had! :-D

So with that, I believe I need to thank Zoe for not jumping his bones last semester and for playing the middle man to hook us up! Thanks Girlie!

Beautiful Mess

Paul and I went to a party this past weekend where I got to meet a bunch of his friends. The girl throwing the party introduced me to everyone as “Paul’s girlfriend, Sandy.” Then later she said to Paul, “I really like your girlfriend.” And he replied with “Isn’t she great?” So..... I think I’ll start calling him my boyfriend. :) Also.. group date tomorrow night!! Yes, “group” but a “date” nonetheless!

Anyways, what’s been on my mind a lot is the future. I’m a planner. What will I eat for lunch? What will I buy my mom for Christmas? What will be the theme of my 30th birthday party? Stuff like that. But what I’ve noticed lately is that as much as I “plan” a perfect day, event, activity, life happens and things don’t always go as perfect as I would like. For example, I’m going to school to be a teacher, but as it turns out I might not be able to get a job in that field and am considering exploring a completely different field. So it is worth it to plan? Do you just fly by the seat of your pants? Let me know what you think :)

Also... I stole this idea from someone else but I'm gonna post a song every week that I'm feeling. Hope you enjoy.
Beautiful Mess by Diamond Rio

The mean reds

Holly Golightly: "You know those days when you get the mean reds?"
Paul Varjak: "The mean reds, you mean like the blues?"
Holly Golightly: "No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?" -Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Hey guys, remember when I was all optimistic and blah blah blah. yeah. bout that. I'm not feeling it today. I pretty much feel like the real holly golightly in this scene I posted above. I've been feeling kinda strange lately and the strangest part is, I don't know why. My mom would say it's Hormones, my dad would say I need to do more things like excersize or get more sleep. I honestly don't know what to believe. I just know that I've been feeling down lately. Mostly, I am wanting to be alone and not wanting to go out or talk to people. Which is of course completely counter-intuitive to finding love. I think it's because I'm scared of a lot of things. Life can be scary sometimes and when you're like me, the fears can build up in your mind and paralyze you. When Audrey Hepburn's character got "the mean reds", the only place that made her feel safe was tiffany's. For me, it seems to be my bedroom but I can feel my parents disapproval about the amount of time I spend in here alone and I am not really sure what else to do. Some of my fears include the fantastic 4 reading this and not liking it because I am always supposed to be the positive one. the one with all the advice. and I don't want them to think less of me or see another side that they might not like. when of course that is completely irrational because my friends love me. but i have those fears just the same.

I never thought this blog would be like a therapy session but it actually is turning out to be just as helpful in some ways. I feel like evaluating why I do things and why I don't do things. Right now I can't seem to figure it out. Sorry to bum everyone out. On top of it I feel like I'm failing, I haven't met anyone and I don't see how I can. so blahhhhhh to that b.c. it's deff fear based. I stopped making efforts to get along with my family because I'm just not in the mood. Also there is nothing less I want to do this summer than continue to work my butt off for an internship that I'm not even getting paid for. But I have to, to graduate. Plus I owe the school money and they are going to put a hold on my account b.c. I just can't pay it right now and I'm going to have to wait until fall when my loan money comes in, to do so. I know it will be handled but it just sucks because my parents feel bad that they can't help me. which makes me feel bad. it's a crazy cycle.

I know these negative thoughts are not what I am supposed to be thinking but I am being honest with myself and that is what I am thinking. Most times when I'm bummed I put on a happy face and say the positive things that I should be saying like "there is no reason to be scared and certainly no reason to be unhappy". but right now I don't seem to be listening. I literally can visualize myself under a singular dark cloud that follows me around, like in a cartoon. How ridiculous is that??? I even recognize that I sound emo and completely unjustified and just whiny. but...it's... how i feel right now and I rather let it out then keep bottled up. But don't let my complaining fool you, some good things are coming up, my best friends birthday is this weekend and it's gonna be like 3 days worth of partying and I made her the best gift ever. Also my parents told me I am getting the car to bring back with my to school next year. Which for some reason I got mad at my parents for, instead of reacting gratefully and being happy about. I must be seriously disturbed because I still can't figure out my reaction on that one. I've narrowed it down to fears just not sure which ones yet. But I am happy about it. Maybe I just had a bad day and hopefully tomorrow I won't feel anxious and actually feel like I can handle my life (b.c. honestly I don't feel like I am capable to do so, not in the extreme way , just in the way that i wish i was better and had more life skills to handle it). I need to Change my attitude. Make the effort. Find joy in the little things etc. Mostly I want to find someone who won't let me take life so seriously. seriously. I guess that's all for now.
-Holly Golightly


Zoe- now more than ever do what makes you happy. I am indecisive as well but I know in my gut when something is right and you seem to have it already figured out. we only have one life to live. tomorrow is never garaunteed. and also that pic made me smile!! for real!
Jess- all I can say is Yayy!
Sandy- I am soo happy for you and the progress you and paul have made. you're just awesome.

Wishy-washy.

I am not sure if anyone knows this or not, but I am what you would call indecisive. My motto hmmm maybe not my motto but more so my response to everything and everyone is just “I don’t know”...and it is honestly because I really don’t. I don’t know how I feel about my life, life in general, love, relationships, people, everything. It’s madness I tells ya. I guess what I’m getting at is partially....dun dun dunnn....the boy. Oh, wow Zoe really who woulda thunk it. I know I know. I would get tired of hearing about this boy if I were someone else. To keep everyone updated I came to a realization last week. I was sitting thinking about what my plans were for the upcoming weekend, none of which included this boy. I didn’t purposely do it, but I caught myself. It went something like this “Okay so Friday I’m going to just hang out whatevs, Saturday I guess we’ll see, Sunday will be set for homework, Monday there will be a bar-b-q with Mav, Josh and Jess....okay sounds good”........a day later......”Oh wait.....there’s a boy in my life....I guess I should include him in this life....aw man...” Yep. I sound like a heartless bitch. I guess if you’re crazy about a person you would want them there with you doing things with you, sharing things in your life, yknow that sorta stuff. I guess the realization that I have come to was this: I guess I’m just not that into him. He’s been really kind, sweet, thoughtful, has tried his hardest to make up everything, but I feel like it....just...doesn’t....matter? So, he was supposed to come over today but I had a lot of things to do what with my car breaking down and that awesomeness. Yep. So I told him not to come over today. It’s always the hardest thing to hurt someone, but I have to do it....again. This summer I want to have fun, truly just have a good time as much as I can and if I’m not smilin every time I think about him....eh, that’s no bueno.

I like--no, love being by myself sometimes, doin my own thang, not givin’ a damn and what not and I’m not sure if I want to be with anyone right now. I want to be single but I do want to have someone to flirt with sometimes, cause hey why not?

I don’t expect you gals to respond to my post because I’m sure it’s gettin old, this back and forth way of thinking, but I know we need to be updated on everything :)

Holly---Talk to a boy. STAT.

Sandy---I hope things are still going somewhat well :)

Jess---Glad things worked out well yesterday, be care free and have fun!


And this made me laugh today.

Hey! There's a Bear!

So last week was busy as usual with school and work, but I had something to look forward to over this past weekend. My mom came to visit! I don’t know if I have ever been more excited to see her! I had so much fun just hanging out with her around town, taking her to my regular hangouts and seeing chick-flicks. By the time sunday afternoon came, we were both in tears saying Good Byes. But we reminded each other that in less than a month I would be moving and she will be back to help! I am so thankful that we have developed such a wonderful relationship. I can honestly say, and not many other people can, that there are no secrets between us. I love it!

On another note, I do have some unexpected news to share. I feel that it is unexpected because of the amount of protesting I did regarding “The Summer of Love.” Although that “L” word will NOT be finding its way out of my mouth (except of course to my Momma) I have some news about a certain boy. Remember Maverick? :-) ...Well Mav recently moved into a new place and invited Zoe and I over to celebrate with a BBQ. Unfortunately, the weather was iffy, so BBQ didn’t happen, but we did end up going to this nice little pizza place with him and his friend Josh. Then after pizza (Mav’s treat!) we went back to his house and delved into the delicious dessert that I spent the morning preparing! It was a Trifle that had chocolate cake, strawberries, raspberries, chocolate sauce, and cool whip. SO tasty if I do say so myself! We then spend the remaining part of the day sitting around talking and honestly, I do not think I have laughed that hard in a very long time! But like all good things, it did come to an end. It started getting pretty late and Zoe and I have class tomorrow morning, so we unfortunately had to head out just as they were talking about going to a bar around the corner. Zoe thinks that Maverick was planning on making his move to talk more one-on-one with me at the bar, but I guess I’ll never know... But one thing is for sure, HE DID NOT ASK FOR MY NUMBER! I’m okay with that though, but made sure that Zoe knows not to give it to him. Why, you ask? Because I want to be pursued! And if he wants to talk to me, then that boy will have to make it happen!

At least we’re guaranteed to meet up so I can get my bowl back from the dessert. I know, I plan ahead.

Always, Jess

P.S. Mav looked really adorable tonight!

Going to the chapel and...

So I was right. Paul is scared out of his mind to confirm our relationship as a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. He is more confused about what to do than I could have imagined. We worked together on Sunday and I overheard him tell someone that I was his girlfriend. On Monday I felt the need to bring up the fact that we are “just friends”. He felt the need to explain why he doesn’t want to jump into a relationship.

He is confused/scared/nervous/undecided/worried about: losing his job, finding a new place to live, our different political ideologies, our different faiths (2 branches of Christianity), how we would raise children. Yes, he wanted to know how we would raise children... But anyways the main point is he is worried that because of some of our differences, we may not work out.

Happily, we both have agreed that the only way to figure out if we would work out is to try it. He has encouraged me to ask any personal questions I may have. Finally... we aren’t just telling jokes and “hanging out”. I’ve already told him some personal things about myself (like my habit of not eating) and he is glad that we’re talking to each other and digging deep. Phew, am I relieved.

However.. he is still obsessed with the “I’m not married” thing. He even admitted that if he’s not thinking about me, he’s worrying about getting married. He thinks he’s way overdue to get married and says that since his last two relationships failed horribly he’s trying to make sure this one works out. (At this point you may be asking yourself: “Is Paul a 29 year old female?” And God, I hope not.) Basically, if I play my cards right, plan for a fall wedding ladies! He’s already talking about anniversary gifts he has planned, Christmas presents, plane tickets, etc. For those of you who know me well, this sounds very much like me. Again, I am not creeped out by anything he says or does and am extremely excited to pick out kids names. (He’s already decided on two)

So even if we don’t have a running title of boyfriend/girlfriend, I’m happy that this is going in a serious direction. Also, thank you to my support system for being there for me. I know I talk A LOT and although I want to talk about my relationship all day long, I also want to be sure to cover general topics we all can learn from about love, life, and ourselves and will try to do so in upcoming blogs. Happy Weekend! <3

I'll have the greek salad...

Hey guys! Now I know we are supposed to write about our love lives on here but i'll be honest there is nothing to update you in that area. :( Over the long weekend I had fun at my play, hung out with some great friends and then celebrated my sister's birthday on monday. And just for those wondering, I am proud to say that the childhood friend was there and I didn't give him a second glance and am very proud of myself for that!

Anyways, today I am going to talk about my crazy life. Unfortunately I am no longer the "morning person" I used to be in high school. Although I somewhat resemble snow white, birds don't come singing at my window and help me prepare for the day. What actually happened was this. It's my day off and I want nothing more to sleep in but it's 8 am and I hear the lovely sounds of several lawn mowers and leaf blowers, LITERALLY outside of my window. So at 9 am when the sounds finally stopped assaulting my ears, I admit defeat (with the sun now shining through my window)and I get up and get ready for the day. I was pretty annoyed with it but it didn't bother me for long because a good breakfast does much to cheer me up :). What can I say? I'm easy to please!


In order for you to understand the next part of the story, I guess I should explain that I am home for the summer from college and that being with my family tends to make me more stressed than usual. I LOVE them dearly but it seems whenever I am around them I become the person I used to be and all my old bad habits, such as my bad temper, that I've worked so hard on these past three years to get rid off,comes back to me with a vengence. Simple things like patience, levelheadedness, and maturity for that matter lose all meaning when these 4 italians sit down at the dinner table. I want so much to be a better person that it kills me sometimes that I can't seem to keep my usual life philosophy's (happiness, calmness, hakuna matata etc )intact.

My main issues right now seem to be with wanting to be heard and validated. My parents, as great as they are don't seem to hear me when I talk and it bothers me to no end. I want them to recognize me as an adult and respect my opinions as such. But they are pretty much unwilling to break the habit of "do what we say, regardless of what you think, because we know what's best". Not to discredit my parents because they usually do know what's right for me. However, I have to say that they are stifiling my growth when they don't allow me to learn for myself and they def. don't make me feel confident when they brush aside my own opinions on things. I understand this is pretty vague, so here is a perfect example of what I mean when I say, "they don't listen to me".


Today I went to lunch with my sister and my mom on their lunch breaks from work. We went to Offerdahls and my sister stayed outside to get us a table and my mom and I went inside to order. The conversation went as follows:
Mom: What do you want to eat?
Me: A salad, hmm maybe a ceaser...no wait I want the greek salad!
Mom: Do you want chicken in that?
Me: No, I'll just have the greek salad, no chicken
MOM: Are you sure? I think you should get chicken.
Me: nope just a plain greek salad.
Mom: Chicken is protein it's good for you.
Me: Really, I'm good.
Mom: I'll order my salad to be big and you can eat the extra chicken mine has.
Me: MOM! I don't want Chicken! I just want a plain greek salad!
At this point I leave her and go sit outside with my sister and I try to calm myself and not get crazy over nothing.

My sister, seeing that I am distressed trys to calm me down a little so I relax, knowing that it's not about the chicken but rather a bigger issue that no one really listens to me or cares to acknowledge that I might know what I want for myself, best.
At last I calm down, thank my mom for lunch when she comes back with the drinks and I offer to help her get the food when the order is up. I walk over to the counter pick up the food and bring it back to the table. My sister gets her sandwich, my mom gets her big salad with lots of chicken (but is finally discerning enough not to ask if i want any) and I get a CEASER salad... which is not what I ordered at all. My mother finally heard that I didn't want chicken but didn't seem to hear me the several times I said greek salad. Like I said, no one listens to me. At this point, All I can do is laugh.

Here's wishing things get better. Praying that I will finally meet a guy(preferably one who will help me stay out of my house as much as possible). And Hoping that you guys are having better times of it than me. haha
-Holly Golightly

How to lose a boy in ten days?

So here it is. Tuesday again. A week has come and gone. I wish I had eventful things to write about but nothing eventful has really happened. The boy and I are trying things again officially and he has been very chivalrous. He came to my bachelorette pad and took me out on a date. We watched movies and ate some health food such as pizza, bread sticks, and pie and then he spent the night. We went out to dinner tonight with his dad, who is in love with me and told me he wants the boy and I to go up to Maryland, his home state. He also told us that he would pay for everything, plane tickets, food, one night in a cottage on this vacation island and a room on his house boat. I was in shock. Ummmmmm although it’s a great offer and I would love to go, I feel like this is a commitment andddd I’m not a fan of that. Well....I don’t know what I’m going to do because I wasn’t even sure I was going to be with him for that long. I guess we shall see where things take us.

I feel like I’m still being a jerk towards him in our relationship again. I think I’m subconsciously getting back at him for hurting me and taking advantage of a lot of things. If I want something I expect to get it from him, not like materialistic things but for example if I wanted to go somewhere I will blatantly tell him and he will just agree. I think for all the selfish and inconsiderate things he has done to me I’m allowed to do what I want with him. I guess you can say I am in "Take" mode, right now I'm giving "Give" mode a breather. Hmm I don’t know what I’m saying really. He puts up with me. I don’t know why, but hey if that’s what he wants so be it. Boys are silly.