Today I was de-cluttering, thanks to my mom’s new found obsession. Go through every shelf, drawer, and closet and throw away all the junk that you haven’t touched for years - apart, of course, from moving it from one house to the next. While I was going through my desk, I found a stack of cards that I received for my 21st birthday. So in the spirit of de-cluttering, I decided to read through them to determine if I wanted to keep them or not.
“Wishing you a double shot of happy today.” While singing “Pour me another shot of whiskey” in an obvious country twang when you open it. Love always... His parents. Awesome. Trash!
But then I found a card from my dad. Well, one of his cards, because he always sends multiple for one occasion and signs it differently every time with different message. But I found one. And one line... brought me to tears.
Time to feel beautiful, special, and loved.
Because there’s no doubt that you are.
Beautiful. How easy it is to feel beautiful when there’s a person there to tell you all the time. But not having that, you have to find ways to make yourself feel that way without being reminded by someone else. I never thought that would be so hard to do. But it is. Especially when you may not be that stereotypical blonde, tan, and size 0. It’s hard to look in the mirror and tell yourself “I am beautiful.” And even harder to actually believe it.
Special. How do you feel special when there’s no one to wake up before you and make your favorite breakfast? How can you feel special when there’s no one to look into your eyes and say “I am so lucky to have you in my life.”
Loved. Love... Love is so great. Not great like “awesome”, but great like monumental. Life-changing. Love is addicting and I was an addict. I loved feeling loved. Waking up early in the morning for class when he didn’t have to get up yet and him begging me to stay in bed so he could hold me. God I loved that.
And I just cried. Because I don’t. I don’t feel beautiful. I don’t feel special. And, other than my parents who pretty much have to love me, I don’t feel loved.
I know I should. But just because I should, doesn’t mean I do.
Tell three different people today, or tomorrow since I know it’s late, that they are beautiful, special, and loved. It may be just what they need to hear to get through the day.
Yours, Jess
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Jess, I LOVE YOU! i love you and you are a great friend. i don't have to love you. not at all. but i do! you are beautiful. for real. maybe i'm not who you want to hear this from but it's true just the same! your post hit me hard and you reminded me of some of the more important things that i have been letting slip me by. so thanks, you are awesome and i hope it helps to know that you impacted me today!
ReplyDelete-love always holly.
Taking one step at a time is a hard thing to do when trying to move past a hardship in your life, believe me I know. Learning to depend on yourself to make yourself happy can be a challenge too and will take some time, I know you know that, but it is so very important that you learn to love yourself for who you are. There is beauty in everyone and everyone has special qualities, it's finding out what makes you beautiful and what makes you special that will help you find happiness from within. Knowing how to love yourself and be happy in your own skin may seem impossible but it's something that can be done. You need to know how to find happiness from within and how to love yourself before you can ever truly love someone else and be loved in return.
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